A guy called John Paul Warren once said, "Coming to the end of MYSELF...seems to be the very point that God steps in and shows HIMSELF to be more than enough."
It's been a long few weeks that have been filled up with event planning and preparation, Kids Church rotas and writing curriculum, kids group planning and organising, a leaders conference and two days of marriage preparation classes to name but a few things! I am EXHAUSTED! I have felt like I've been on a treadmill, constantly having to keep up with the pace or end up falling off it.
Now usually I'm the type of person who can easily hack the busy lifestyle that working for a church brings. Usually (although I do NOT make a habit of it) I can cope a good few weeks without a day off. Usually I feel regenerated and refreshed after spending lots of time with lots of people. However, these past few weeks have been different and I've found it really hard to keep up with the pace.
This morning was when I came to 'the end of myself'. My alarm rang out at 6.45am and all I could do was cry. I could barely lift my finger to turn off the ringing let alone heave my weary body out of bed and into Kids Church. I had a whole day ahead of me, I was leading two morning Kids Church services at St Bs, leading another Kids Church in the afternoon on our local estate and then back to St Bs for the evening service. I lay in bed for a really long time, I just couldn't move but I knew I had no option. Whilst dragging myself out of bed through my tears I said to God, "help me, because I can't do this on my own today."
I'd like to say I instantly felt alive and raring to go but it didn't happen. I made it to Church and set up Kids Church with a throbbing head and fuzzy brain. I'd decided while I was setting up that today's Kids Church was going to be as low key as I could make it and that we would probably scrape though, just!
As we do every week, myself and the team prayed before the first service and as I do every week, I asked God to come and have his way with the session. Then we let the kids in...............
I left Church at 1.30pm. I still felt tired but it was the normal sort of tired. The overwhelming weariness, the fuzzy brain, had all gone despite doing 6 hours work. I quietly reflected on the morning and I had to laugh. While I was struggling, while I was tired, while I was at the end of myself, GOD was only just beginning. He was ready to reveal himself and show me what he could do.
This morning God came and met with 79 kids. He drew 79 kids into his presence. He gave words and pictures and feelings to 79 kids. He helped 79 kids deepen their relationship with him.
While we were having a time of listening to God one 9 year old girl had a picture of a letter in a postbox. It was an official important looking letter because it had a seal and stamp on it. She explained that she felt there were other kids in the room who needed to read what this important letter said but for some reason they either couldn't read it or didn't want to. The letter was left with its important message unread. This 9 year old then said it was like God had an important message for some of the children but they were having difficulty hearing Gods voice or they just didn't want to engage with trying to hear from God. I asked the kids to be really brave and put their hands in the air if they thought the picture was for them. The 9 year old girl then went on to pray for those children, that their ears would be opened to hearing from God!
I wasn't in a place where I could hear clearly from God and lead ministry this morning so he spoke through a 9 year old instead. This blog would get very long if I listed everything that happened in Kids Church this morning, but be assured that it was awesome!! God was answering my prayers and showing me that even though I had nothing to give, He had everything! Kids Church was the medication I needed for my soul.
God, I'm so thankful that I don't have to do everything on my own and in my own strength. Thank you that when I have nothing left to give and I've reached the end, you are there. Help me to look to you when life gets busy and to also look to you when I am quiet and still. Please help me to rely and lean on you.
Amen
